Women who blame rape victims

Educated women, whom are supposed to know better, are wrapped up in the rape/violence culture, and blame victims, too. 

And if you think things would be better with Hillary Clinton as President, just because she is a woman...think again.

She not only got a rapist off, but laughed about how she knew he was lying…knew that lie detectors were unreliable from that point on.

He sent me flowers today…

A poem, author unknown:

“I got flowers today. It wasn’t my birthday or any other special day.

We had our first argument last night, and he said a lot of cruel things that really hurt me.

I know he is sorry and didn’t mean the things he said because he sent me flowers today.

I got flowers today. It wasn’t our anniversary or any special day.

Last night he threw me into a wall and started to choke me. It seemed like a nightmare. I couldn’t believe it was real. I woke up this morning sore and bruised all over.

I know he must be sorry because he sent me flowers today, and it wasn’t Mother’s Day or any other special day.

Last night he beat me up again, and it was much worse than all the other times. If I leave him, what will I do? How will I take care of my kids? What about money? I’m afraid of him and scared to leave.

But I know he must be sorry. Because he sent me flowers today.

I got flowers today. Today was a very special day.

It was the day of my funeral.

Last night he finally killed me. He beat me to death.

If only I had gathered the courage and strength to leave him.

I would not have gotten flowers today”.

Janay Rice

By now, you all have heard of Ray Rice knocking his then fiancee unconscious in an elevator…and the slap on the wrist by the NFL.  We’ll get to the NFL later… (meanwhile, Mike Ditka is worried about Ray Rice’s income….seriously.  Not concerned about Rice’s violence…just his paycheck.)

But for now, there are plenty of opinions out there–men who come to his defense and women whom have never been in an abusive relationship that don’t understand why Janay stayed.

And the Guardian’s Hannah Giorgis asks us not to feed an appetite for other people’s lurid trauma by watching the video of Ray assaulting Janay Rice, but to focus on her humanity and the humanity of other survivors of partner violence, to defend them from further victimization both from their abuser and from victim-blamers and tragedy spectators.


Yep.  There was a woman in Indiana whom was kidnapped and the Associated Press ran a story with all the lurid details of the method of bondage, etc.  I got that “ick” feeling of them wanting to titillate the readers who get off on that sort of thing.

And as far as the black thing–I think about what happened in Fort Wayne with the black man making comments about my body parts and my voice being sexy…and blocking my way into the building…he got the message somewhere that it was okay to do those things.  The other black men thought it was okay.  The black women that he had also intimidated and harassed just wanted to keep things quiet–don’t make any waves.  They, too, have gotten the message that they are less valuable and subject to whomever’s sexual advances or intimidation.  They most likely blame themselves for “asking for it”.

And just recently, a judge in Fort Wayne was called on his behavior when he suggested that a woman could be a great “phone sex operator”.   Why did they think this was acceptable?  Because our culture says it’s okay to describe women in sexual terms and see them only as sexual objects.

In this culture of violence and rape, women are still seen as possessions.  Women are still seen as second class–less than.  If she does assert herself, there are ten others trying to quiet her or take her down.  Uppity women are still seen as bitches who need to get laid.  You might recall the posts on Steubenville and others of women who tried to assert themselves or were assaulted while unable to give consent.

So it’s no surprise to me that Janay stayed and even married her abuser.

We have a culture that men feel they have a right to do as they please–whether it be to smack around their partner…or even kill her if she doesn’t do what he wants.  Eliot Rodger’s misogyny is the best example of that sense of entitlement.

And then we have the bullying culture that actually bullies those who stand up for women whom have been raped.

Don’t make any waves.

Don’t upset the status quo.

Don’t question why.

Don’t assert your right to be recognized as a human being.

Don’t ask to be respected when you have boobs and hips and vagina…



Happy Labor Day, Mom

Wow. what a great piece.

When I first saw the title, I thought it was going to be a piece on the unsung workforce of women who take care of the home and children…with nary an acknowledgement by law or wages…but I was pleasantly surprised that even though it was about a mother who works outside the home, it held such a great depth and context.

I disagree with the author’s assertion, however, that the education “reformers” don’t seem to grasp the hard-won battles women have had to fight for the same rights that men enjoyed without resistance….

…the “reformers” know EXACTLY what they are doing.  They know that the teacher’s unions have protected working women with equal pay for the same work performed as men teachers, with protection of being dismissed for asserting the same equal rights enjoyed by men such as being able to be married, have children, have reasonable work hours and good pay.  You have to remember who the “reformers” are and their indifference towards women, or worse, loathing of women.

(By a weird circumstance, I belonged briefly to the American Federation of Teachers and was amazed at their strength, unity, and benefits.    It was like nothing I had seen before. )




Condemning mothers

What are your first thoughts after reading this?  “What a terrible mother” “She should lose those kids”

Clearly, they can’t continue living in those conditions….but instead of taking her kids away, how about helping her clean out the place and getting her some help?  Clearly she is overwhelmed with five kids and too many dogs—

…and as usual, the story fails to ask….”where is the father?”  Why is he not helping out–financially, physically, emotionally?  Where were her family members before it got to this point? Is she making a living wage to be able to support herself and her family?

I’m not saying she doesn’t bear responsibility for what happened…but where is the support system?